What can I do for a friend who just lost a baby? Send her a card or email or call her?

I'm totally lost for words and need to do something but haven't a clue. Please help. Thanks.

What can I do for a friend who just lost a baby? Send her a card or email or call her?
give her some space....it's hard to know exactly what to say it situations like this because everyone reactions in different ways. Send her a solitaire rose saying 'you're in my prayers and available if she wants to talk'
Reply:Just call her or visit her and tell her that you are there for her if she needs anything. That's all you can do. There is nothing you can say to make her feel better - just be there for her when she is ready to talk. I am so sorry for your friend's loss. Good luck!
Reply:go see her when she's ready...she may want to be left alone for a while...offer to grocery shop for her, or make her dinner or something nice like that...i'm sure that if she goes out and sees mothers with their new babies it'll crush her :( so just be a support system for her. listen to her. let her mourn for as long as she needs to. also make sure that she's okay mentally as time goes on and look for signs of depression. she's in my thoughts and my condolences go out to her!











and i was also thinking...maybe some white lillies and a condolence card would be nice and make her feel better :)
Reply:well bring over her favorite sweet treat and rent some comedy movies she likes and talk or go do something fun where she wont think about it
Reply:If she's up to visitors, go visit her. No one ever has the right words, just be there for her. The support and love of a good friend is so important at this time. Don't feel like you have to bring her anything. She will appreciate you just being there for her.
Reply:just tell her you'll be there when she needs you.
Reply:call her %26amp; let her know that you are sorry to hear about her pain , let her know that you are there to


comfort her %26amp; that you care about her
Reply:The biggest mistake friends and family make when a mother looses a child is; that they stop talking about, or mentioning the baby as though it never existed (for fear that it will bring bad memories to the mother.) It's crucial for a mourning mother, to hear about that baby. She needs to hear you acknowledge the fact that she carried, loved, nurtured that child in her womb. Also, that she gave birth to it, and that child was a living human being. The best thing you can do for your friend is to make sure that she knows that you're there for her no matter what. Good Luck! nini :-)
Reply:Go see her if you can. Otherwise maybe call her to let her know you care and that you're there for her. In person is much better.
Reply:Call her
Reply:Don't remind her about it by sending her a card, visit if you can and act like nothing really has changed, don't be insensitive to the subject, I'm not saying act like it didn't happen, just act as if nothing has changed, like everything is still going to be ok.
Reply:Send her a card with a note that you have made a donation to a children's charity in her baby's name. If it was a miscarriage, just say "Baby [Last Name]". That meant a lot to me when I had a m/c. People who spoke too much to me just ended up saying dumb things. I appreciated people honoring the baby instead of trying to make me feel better, because that was impossible. I resented that they thought what they were saying would make loosing a baby feel better. Honoring the baby, or asking her how you can honor the baby, is the best way to go.
Reply:get her flowers or something and GO TO HER.
Reply:Why not do all 3. It would depend on how good of a friend she is too.
Reply:Send her a card and tell her how sorry you are and that if she needs anything at all to let you know.


I'm the type that's likes to left alone when I'm in pain. I think a card would just let her know you're there for her!
Reply:email is very inpersonable, give her a little card or a call
Reply:call her don't give her I am so sorry speech she will hear it to many times. Just say I am calling to see how you are feeling. Tell her that you love her ( if she is that close of a friend) and if she needs anything you are there for her. And don't say I know how you feel, I hated that.
Reply:Go take her to a lake or the beach for some relaxation. Water is very soothing. Just sit quietly with her. She'll appreciate it.
Reply:My sister has lost two babies and my friend has lost three...so I've been in your shoes one too many times. The best thing to do is to just be there for her. Don't call her or send her a card, but go over to her house. Just be her shoulder to cry on, her ear to vent to. This is a very difficult time for her. I know how hard it is not to know what to say. I'm always afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing, so I usually won't say anything, just hug her.
Reply:Your heart says you should reach out to your friend who is in pain..do it! Your brain says I need to say something--don't. Don't say anything that's not in your heart. Say I'm sorry. (period) -- end of your need to talk. Then listen to her. Let her talk. Or just sit there in silence (very hard), but very much needed by those faced with immeasurable pain of the loss of a child. Just let her be and do whatever she needs. And maybe she really needs a good friend who won't talk at her, but will listen to her heart, or hold her while she cries without having to say "it'll be alright" You don't know that--don't say it.
Reply:I agree with the poster who suggested a memorial donation. If you need ideas, you might try March of Dimes, donate a children's book to the public library, or if they belong to a church, make a donation there. I'm sure there are many wonderful organizations out there that would fit this situation. What a blessing to the parents to have this horrible situation help others.
Reply:Whatever you do, do not email. It's takes no thought. Call her and tell her how sorry you are, but don't dwell on it. A card saying how much you love her always means a lot. Than if she's up to it, do a just us girls thing, ie. the beach, movies, cooking etc.
Reply:Hi. I lost a baby a little over a year ago and sometimes the best thing you can say is you dont know what to say.


We grieve differently. I wanted to talk about my son, some people dont want to so listen to her cues. All you can say is your so sorry and you are there for her. Call her now and then to tell het you were thinking about her. Write her a nice card or just go over and hug her, if she dosnet back off, just hold her a bit and you need say nothing, that says it all! Little things in her child's honor are especially cherished or things that represent him/her. A poem meant for this printed from the computer on photo paper and frame it. Heres a site where she can light a candel for her baby or even more thoughtful you light it and email it to her. Tell her you wanted to do somehting special in his rememberance. My son is on this page, Deven Tyler. We also like to release balloons for our baby, you can go to her home and bring some balloons to release to the sky or heaven.
Reply:talk to her; she needs company and something to have it off her mind...take her to a shopping spree for instance...
Reply:I lost my daughter at 16 weeks pregnant %26amp; i ended up with post miscarraige depression. I just wanted to die, matter a fact i tryd to kill myself, sounds crazy but i couldnt move on. If shes a close friend you really need to go to her house %26amp; let her know you are there for her. Help her with the things she needs to get done like her household chores. I didnt want to do anything at all, I couldnt even take care of my kids. All i could do was cry. She just needs support right now %26amp; let her know it was nothing she did wrong because i know i blamed myself for a long long time. Be very careful on what you say. Never tell her it was gods will or that everything happens for a reason because thats not what you want to hear at all, you cant replace a baby like a dead fish or something. Just let her know you dont know what shes feeling but your there to listen to help in any way you can. The best advice is to just listen %26amp; let her cry on your shoulder. Losing a child is one of the hardest things a mother can go through %26amp; she will feel depressed for a while. Dont take it personal if she want to be alone either, shes got alot going on %26amp; everyone deals differently. Oh yeah %26amp; one more thing never tell her " your lucky you werent farther along becaus it would have been harder" That was one of the worst things anyone could say to me because losing a baby in the first month %26amp; losing one in tghe 8th mnth feels the same. Its still a loss of a baby to a mother. Im sorry if im rambling on but i have sooo much to say about this subject, if you need anything send me an email Rinoldiconcord@aol.com good luck
Reply:send a sympathy card
Reply:Before talking to her, feel her out first if she needs to talk. There are some people who appreciate the "let it be" talk and some who are still bitter/angry about it that they don't like this kind of talk. find out how she feels first.


There are a lot of things you can do to help her get through this. You can bring her meals. She is probably still too distraught to actually make her meals herself. Ask her if she would like some company. Bring her some DVD to watch with her (careful with movie choices). Ask her if she wants to go out to a movie or have coffee. Just little things to help her get though the day.


Remember, you can't take away her pain. You can't make her forget. You can't force her to "move on". All you can do is hold her hand and help her get though this dark part of her life. She will have to "move on" with her life on her own and she has to do it at her own pace.
Reply:Tell her you are very sorry for her loss. Then both go on with your life. Nothing is going to bring her baby back at this time.
Reply:Get her a book--"I'll hold you in Heaven" was particularly helpful for me. Amazon.com has some great books dealing with miscarriage. Also, a sympathy card would be nice.
Reply:My 2 best friends went through this at various times and both complained when they received cards or flowers.( I also had a miscarriage but no one knew I was pregnant thankfully.)They said that the cards just reminded them of the tragedy. One said, that she just looked at them and thought about the cards she would have received when she'd had the baby.





I agree.





Email is a terrible idea. Its the cowards way out.





Go round with a cake or some other fattening comfort food and just try and be there. She may want to talk about it or she may want someone to take her mind off it.





NEVER say "I know what your going through" unless you have been through it.





ALWAYS try and treat the person the same as before. There is nothing worse than being avoided or pitied.





Hope this helps. Oh and my friend said that the one thing I said when she lost her much planned and waited for baby was: that we have to go through these things to eventually get the baby we are meant to have. One day when she holds her son or daughter in her arms she will wonder at the fact that if she hadnt had the miscarriage, she would never have met this wonderfull new human being. I dont know, it comforted my friend and made sense to me at the time. I remember thinking that I couldnt imagine not having my 2 daughters. That if I had not had a miscarriage after my first daughter my second daughter (apple of my eye) would not exist and that to me was the most horendous thought. That I may not have ever met her.
Reply:all of the above! you can reach out to her - give her a call - and see how she's doing. take your que from her as to how much attention/interaction she wants. but knowing you're there for her will mean a lot!

skates